According to USA Today, the ratings for this years winter Olympic games were down 17 percent from Sochi. No surprise. The whole thing is sluggish and predictable. But I have the solution. Add some real challenge. The opening ceremony is agonizingly slow. Solution: add bears. I don’t mean teddy bears. I mean real bears. Oh yeah, that’ll get people moving. Better for spectators, good cardio for the athletes.
Curling was given a lot of screen time this year, and it is oddly appealing, but it looks like something your aunt could do with some of her bowling buddies. Solution: Make curling a hockey hybrid. Keep curling outfits and the curling stones, but follow the rules of hockey. Players would use the dainty brooms to whack at the granite stones. Think about it. All the fast pace of hockey with people smashing into each other, but the stones still moving slowly.
Halfpipe also got a lot of air time this year. We had a collective eyeball roll when American athlete Chloe Kim tweeted that she was getting hangry. Solution: Combine halfpipe and a food eating contest. Athletes have to eat a minimum of one breakfast sandwich as they flip and spin down the pipe. Every sandwich after that will give you extra points. Obviously there will be vegetarian, vegan and gluten-free options.
Another American athlete, snowboarder Red Gerard said he stayed up late the night before his competition bingeing on Netflix which led him to oversleep. Solution: double up. Make the snowboarders watch Netflix while doing their tricks so no one will have to stay up late and bore us on the way down. Point deductions will be made for dropping tablet, TV or laptop on the way down, and the bigger the device, the higher the points for holding onto it. Please someone goes for a 80” flat screen.
Skeleton is basically just sledding and we all know it. Where’s the skill? Solution: mountains resorts already use TNT to create controlled avalanches. You can see where I’m going with this. Why race against a clock when you can race against snow? Whoever ends up closer to the surface when the snow settles wins.
Speed skating is the most predictable of all. It’s just a race in circles. Solution: add obstacles.: trampolines hurdles, extra points for going up rock walls in skates.
Think how challenging the games could become. And that is what the Olympics are all about, challenging ourselves.
Your ratings problems are solved NBC. You’re welcome.
